You've been together for a while now and know that being in love is wonderful. You're healthy and happy, and you have fun together. In our society, having fun often includes using some alcohol or drugs. Maybe one or both of you "party" a little too much from time to time. Or, when the pressure's on, you may use uppers or downers to smooth things out - diet pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizers, or any of the other mood - or mind-altering chemicals that are so available today.

Occasional alcohol or drug use doesn't mean you're an alcoholic or an addict. But it does mean that you face the possibility of having your occasional use of alcohol or drugs turn into a serious abuse problem.

While you may not want to think about chemical abuse during this happy time in your relationship, you can't afford to ignore the facts. Alcohol and drug dependency is now one of our nation's most serious health problems. Only cancer and heart disease cause more deaths. Dependency on mood-altering chemicals including alcohol is a factor in 80 percent of all suicides, 64 percent of all auto fatalities, and nearly two-thirds of the reported incidents of physical abuse. One out of every four families in the United States is affected by chemical abuse.

Chemical dependency is considered a disease by the health care professions. But no one wants to admit being an alcoholic or an addict. People who pass from casual alcohol and drug use to abuse will drink and use drugs in ever-increasing amounts as their disease progresses, while denying the changes that are taking place in their lives. Their behavior becomes increasingly unpredictable. Their personalities begin to change for the worse. Their work performance, social life, health, and family relationships suffer. When pressured to control themselves, they minimize the problem, get angry, or withdraw. Even sheer willpower won't stop them from using again.

Helping chemical dependency to remain the great hidden disease are the enablers - those family members and loved one who will not face the fact that the one they love is an alcoholic or an addict. They avoid talking to the abuser about the problem because they don't want to upset him or her. They allow abusers to continue their sick behavior by covering for them and bailing them out when they get into trouble. Only when pushed to the wall - when they cannot hide the facts from outsiders, or when the abuser becomes physically abusive as well - will many families seek help for their loved ones, or for themselves.

You don't want this kind of scenario in your marriage, for yourself, your partner, or your children. So what can you do?

First, answer the questions of the following pages to evaluate your own situation.

Next, discuss your answers honestly and openly. Talk about your attitudes and feelings. Try not to minimize a problem, hide anything from you partner, or hold back honest feelings. This is one area where your love alone will not see you through. If there is a possibility of a problem existing now, the added pressures of marriage and family life will only worsen the situation.

Finally, if you have any unanswered questions, or if you suspect that a problem may exist, contact a professional. Chemical dependency, like any other serious illness, should be diagnosed and treated by professionals. In this field there are many specialists, both in the health care field there are many specialists, both in the health care field and in self-help groups.

A Note on Physical Abuse Within Marriage

One of the by-products of alcohol and drug abuse is often physical abuse. Physical abuse is something we sometimes joke about ("To the moon, Alice..."), but it is more serious and widespread than many realize. Physical abuse happens among all classes and races, regardless of their income and educational levels. Violence in the home usually becomes more frequent and serious over time, often fueled by alcohol or drugs. It is pert of an escalating pattern that begins with threats, insults, jealousy, explosive tempers, and attempts to isolate or overpower the other.

Children from violent homes learn to regard violence as an acceptable means of control and a normal way of responding to disapointment and frustration. When they grow up, these children are very likely to become abusers themselves.

Like alcohol and drug abuse, physical abuse needs to be dealt with if it is part of your relationship. If you need help, get it now--before the wedding. The one thing that is sure is that the problem will not go away after you are married.

Copyright - 1992 Augsburg Fortress