1. Partners can manage conflict and differences without despair or threats
2. Both partners protect and nourish the relationship and make it a priority (not addicted to work for example)
3. Both partners know how to be responsible for own needs and also for the care of the relationship.
4. Both partners feel 'special' to the other. Arguments or fights do not lead to abuse or threatened break-ups
   
5. Both partners can communicate wants, needs, feelings, and emotional issues with little or no shame
   
6. There is unconditional love if not unconditional agreement
   
7. The relationship feels and is nurturing, comfortable, and fun
   
8. Both partners attend to the needs of each other willingly and lovingly.
   
9. The sexual relationship works well and is mutually satisfying
   
10. Both partners can and do keep agreements (maturity)
    
11. Both partners are honest
    
12. There is no abuse: physical, verbal, emotional (ignoring)
    
13. Both partners have boundaries:
    ~Each person can say 'no' to requests from partner when necessary without feeling guilty and tell their partner when something feels not right or hurts them.
    ~People pleasing is kept to a minimum and neither one feels they are making a 'great sacrifice' to stay in the relationship. Each person is able to do their work, attend to their children, care for other aspects of their life without threatening the relationship.
14. Partners can hear feedback from each other that they may be projecting old relationship fears onto the current one.
15. There is commitment: exits are blocked

By Nancy Wesson, Ph.D.